


Kenocardia

by calico_fiction



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Character, Depression, Executive Dysfunction, Family Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Hygienic Dysfunction, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Platonic Cuddling, Sickfic, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 00:43:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19983226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calico_fiction/pseuds/calico_fiction
Summary: Taako misses Magic Day. Angus investigates why.





	Kenocardia

**Author's Note:**

> The internalized ableism is in reference to Taako about his depression, though this isn't from his POV. If you need more a detailed, potentially spoilery, explanation see end notes.
> 
> I didn't have Angus explicitly use the Autistic label for himself in this fic but I wrote him with that headcanon in mind.
> 
> The memory loss/alteration isn't directly addressed and the characters aren't aware of it, but it is relevant.
> 
>  _Kenocardia_ is "void heart" (ish. I used Google Translate) in Greek, and I chose Greek because that's what medical heart-related things that I know of are in.

Angus waits patiently in the training room for Taako. It's not the first time that Taako has been late to a Magic Day lesson, so Angus is not that worried. In fact, Taako being late is a routine thing. Agnus thinks that maybe it is a test. He knows most little boys like him are not prone to being patient, but he is not like most little boys and he can wait for a very long time if necessary. Either that or maybe Taako just isn't very good at keeping track of time, or he doesn't want to give Angus high expectations. Angus - being the World's Greatest Detective, and now also the Greatest Detective on The Moon - is very observant, and not very easily tricked, and he has noticed after a few months on board the moon base that Taako can sometimes purposefully express himself in a contrary way. Angus hasn't yet figured out the purpose of that behavior, but he most certainly will (and that is both a threat and a promise, Angus would say, if anyone asked).

Angus waits for a very long time. He's good at waiting, but this is a very _very_ long time. Every time that Angus considers going to look for Taako it takes a little bit more effort to convince himself not to, to keep waiting, to be patient and pass the test. Of course Taako is taking longer this time, right? If it is a test it probably has to get harder before you can pass it for good. (But if it's _not_ a test… But it's probably a test, probably. Maybe. But maybe not…)

Angus is very patient and waits for a very long time, and definitively would have passed this test if it had been a test. He has his mind pretty much made up for him that it wasn't when Carey, Killian, and Magnus come in to the training room. The three of them all share teasing trash talk, including Magnus even thought Angus knows that Magnus has never once beat either Carey or Killian in a sparring match.

"Hey, Ango!" Magnus calls to Angus when he notices him. Angus waves, a little sullenly. "Hanging around for the show after your magic lessons, huh?" He flexes. Angus holds his chin high and tries to make sure his lip doesn't wobble so that Magnus doesn't notice that he's upset (hopefully). Taako might be embarrassed if everyone knew he forgot. Angus would probably be embarrassed if he was Taako (Angus is embarrassed as Angus too, that he waited around so long for nothing, but he's the only detective around here so he's the only one that has to know that).

"I was going to, Sir," he lies. "But I think it will be a little boring with you here too." Magnus's mouth drops open in genuine surprise before he plays it up and gasps theatrically. Meanwhile, Carey and Killian are both _ooh_ ing and laughing, and even though he's still upset Angus can't help a small proud smile.

"Tch, _wizards,_ " Magnus mutters disparagingly, but he's grinning at Angus as he says it, and he seems pretty proud too. Also, Angus is very happy to be called a wizard, even if he didn't have a lesson today ( _yet_ , and that is _also_ a threat and a promise). "No appreciation for the rest of us." Angus quietly leaves while Carey and Killian are pointing out to Magnus that 'wizards' seem to appreciate the two of them just fine and Magnus protests that he has Rustic Hospitality and everyone with any taste likes him automatically.

Angus makes his way towards the suite that Tres Horny Boys share. His feelings are hurt and he's angry too, even as he tries to come up with excuses for Taako in his head. There could be all sorts of reasons that Taako forgot it was Magic Day. He almost certainly didn't stand Angus up on purpose, so Angus shouldn't be mad, right? (He is still, though, so clearly that idea needs some work.)

Angus arrives at the suite and walks right in. The Boys never lock their main door as far as Angus has observed, which is quite unusual for adventurers. But, Angus supposes, sharing little quirks like that is probably a big part of what makes them such a great team, and good friends. Angus has been here more than a few times, for parties and for when Taako decides to teach him a new recipe, so he knows his way around. The doors to Magnus's and Merle's rooms are open and both are unoccupied. Taako's door is closed, but there's no light from inside either. Angus walks over to it confidently and opens up the door.

The first thing Angus notices is a smell. It's not a _bad_ smell, but not really a good smell either. It's like how it smells inside a chest or a closet that hasn't been opened in a long time. Angus doesn't notice anything else about the room for a minute, because the one window is completely blacked out and it's very dark. He has to wait for his human eyes to adjust before he can see clothes and books and spell components scattered all over the floor, a dozen used cups on the bedside table next to Taako's spare wand, and on the bed itself a vaguely Taako-shaped lump.

Angus blinks at the lump. It's afternoon, and there were no missions, meetings, or get-togethers last night as far as Angus knows - and Angus almost always knows about that sort of thing. Besides which, Taako is an elf and Angus has read that elves meditate instead of sleeping most of the time. Angus hypothesizes that Taako might not be feeling well. But if that's the case, it would have been nice if he had called Angus and let him know.

"Sir?" Angus says into the darkness. He keeps his voice low, even though he's still upset, because that's only polite. "It's Magic Day. ...Sir?" Taako doesn't answer. Angus's anger withers up and starts turning into worry instead. It's hard to stay mad at someone when they're sick. "Are you okay?" Taako still doesn't answer. He doesn't even sigh, or move. Angus could almost think he was dead if it wasn't for the way his only visible ear twitches. Quietly, and on careful feet so that he doesn't accidentally crush anything, Angus comes into the room and closes the door behind him.

The closed-up, stale smell gets stronger the closer Angus comes to the bed. When he's standing right over the Taako-lump, Angus can see that the long strands of hair that splay out from the top of the bundle and rest across the pillows are stringy and dull as compared to how Taako usually looks. Taako's face isn't visible even up this close, covered up by blankets and a small bean pillow. His ear twitches again, and then he finally does sigh. It's not an irritated sigh, though. It kind of sounds sad. Angus knows about being so sad it makes you sick. He has never experienced it himself, but he knows from his investigations that it's very real.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks. Many of the people Angus has interviewed had said that 'getting it all out' helped them feel better. It takes a long time for Taako to be able to answer him, but as Angus proved earlier today he is a very patient boy.

Finally, Taako says, "I can't." His voice is slow and dark like molasses, and muffled underneath all his coverings. Angus just nods at that, even though Taako can't see him from inside his bundle. He just stands there quietly after that, not sure what else to do. He doesn't want to leave, even if there's nothing else he can do to help but be here. After a while, Angus climbs up onto the bed with Taako and sits behind the bend of his knees, pressed up against him in that perfect little space like a cat.

After another while, still slow and dark and muffled, Taako explains, "I got... pieces missing. So. Sometimes. I just… don't work."

"Like what kind of pieces?" Angus whispers. He knows he's probably not qualified for this kind of conversation, but he also knows that Taako probably wouldn't have it with anyone else. They have a special bond, and also Angus is just very easy to talk to. He uses that to his own advantage a lot, but right now he hopes it's good for Taako. Taako sighs again, a big gusty thing that moves his shoulders and gets trapped underneath his bean pillow. He worms one long-nailed hand out from his bundle to tip the pillow away from his face. It looks like it takes a lot of effort. Angus leans forward and moves the pillow out of Taako's way, tucking it above his head so it's still within reach. When Angus sits back and looks at Taako's face, he can see that Taako's eyes look just as uncharacteristically dull as his dirty hair. He looks up at Angus and blinks so, so slow.

"I-D-K," he mutters, his mouth twisting. "Like a heart, I guess." Angus tilts his head in confusion, ready to argue but hesitant to tell Taako he's wrong about himself which would be very rude. But if Angus was asked to describe Taako, 'heartless' wouldn't be a word he'd choose. Taako sighs again, but this time it is irritated, and he gives a lethargic eye roll just to make sure Angus gets the hint. " _Metaphorically_ , obviously." Angus rolls his eyes too. As if he would think Taako meant he _literally_ didn't have a heart. Ridiculous. All races of people need those to live.

"I think it's probably something in your brain, Sir," Angus says matter-of-factly, deciding not to care (momentarily) about the rudeness. One of Taako's eyebrows shoots up and his mouth goes angled, an expression that might've been a smirk if he had the energy for it. Angus gives him an unimpressed look back. " _Not_ metaphorically, Sir, not like smarts. I mean like a chemical. Obviously." The angle of Taako's mouth softens, just shy of something that could be smile. "Something in your head got messed up, probably, so now you get so sad it makes you sick sometimes. I've seen it before."

"Mr. Detective," Taako acknowledges, and it really could almost be a smile now. But then he insists, "'M not sad," and his mouth is just flat again. "Don't feel anything. Has t'be the heart."

"Okay," Angus says slowly. He nods determinedly to himself. If it's the only way Taako will talk then fine, Angus can follow a metaphor. He's _very_ smart, so even though he doesn't personally like metaphors at all he will make this work. "What happened to it? Where'd it go?"

It takes Taako a long time to answer again, but this time it's not because of his molasses voice. He stares off into the middle distance across the room, his eyes far away and his eyebrows pinched together, thinking hard.

"Don't think I ever had one," he decides finally, still looking hard into nothingness. "Jus' a defective model, I guess."

"Maybe…" Angus starts, but then stutters to a halt. He may have overestimated his ability to follow this metaphor. He chews on his lip for a moment, and then shrugs helplessly. He'll just have to communicate the way he usually does, despite the mood. "I don't think that describes you at all, Sir. In fact, I would be offended if someone else said that about you."

"You're sweet," Taako says, and his mouth does that soft thing again. Angus is happy to see it, even though it's not much. He hopes it means he helped, a little. He really, really cares about Taako, and he wants him to feel better.

"Can I give you a hug?" he blurts after trying to hold it in. Taako's mouth goes flat again, and Angus is about to panic and take it back, but before he can Taako speaks first.

"'M kinda rank, p'mpkin," he mutters, embarrassed and bitter. Angus sighs in relief and shrugs.

"That doesn't bother me, Sir. I'd like to give you a hug anyway, if that's okay." Angus grins happily when Taako appears to make the effort to raise an arm and make space for Angus in the bundle with him. Angus climbs over Taako's legs and throws himself down at his side instead. He can't really put his arms around Taako like a real hug, but they're facing each other and sharing space and warmth so it's basically the same thing. And Taako's mouth is not flat like that anymore, which is the most important part. He is a little bit smelly, but it's really not that bad at all. Angus wonders if it's an elven trait to have less offensive body odor, or if it's just Taako. He'll have to do some research on that later. Discreetly, of course.

"Sorry I missed Magic Day," Taako says eventually.

"It's okay," Angus forgives easily, his upset from earlier all but forgotten. He smiles. "You can teach me a recipe instead, if you feel better later." Taako hums in agreement.

"Auntie made soup," he mumbles. That's the end of the story. Usually Taako has a _lot_ more to say than that, with a beginning and a middle and an end to everything unless he's being obstinate, but Agnus understands and pretends not to notice that it's out of the ordinary.

"Soup is good for when you're sick," Angus says, stubborn.

"'M not sick," Taako says, but he also scoots his head forward to touch their noses together, an extra low-energy Dwarvish Kiss.

What with it being all snuggly and quiet and dark, Angus falls into a doze. He blinks awake when he feels Taako move, and is happy to see Taako sitting up and tying his hair back with an elastic.

"C'mon," he says, standing and tugging the topmost blanket with him, wrapped around him like a cocoon. "Let's go make Auntie's soup." He still sounds tired and sad, and when they get to the kitchen he sits down at the table and tells Angus what ingredients to get out, leaning his head heavily on his hand.

But when Angus says incredulously, "We need _all this_ to make soup?" Taako really, finally, smiles a small smile.

" _Good_ soup, yeah," he confirms and softly and not really that grudgingly at all, he adds, "For when you're sick." Angus smiles so wide it hurts his cheeks a little. He can help Taako yet, even though it might not be easy or quick.

Angus is a patient boy. He can wait for a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

>  **More detailed explanation of Internalized Ableism tag:** Taako's internalized ableism is believing that the emotional and executive dysfunctions he suffers as a result of Depression are not from an illness but instead signify that he is a heartless or unfeeling person. No other characters believe this.
> 
> Come chill with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/penlex)!


End file.
